Posts Tagged ‘give up’

For most people, spring brings to mind sprouting plants, rain showers and new beginnings. And yet, despite the season, most people going through divorce find it hard at times to think of beginning anything new when what was -their marriage- is ending.

It’s so easy to get caught up in all the things that just won’t be any more -growing old together, taking that dreamed of second (or maybe first) honeymoon. It is sad that those things won’t be. And yet, your life will go on. You will be joyful and happy again -even if it doesn’t quite seem like it right now.

What do you say to the idea of starting to think and dream of things to say “hello” to? I hope I heard you say “YES!”

One of the things I know about any relationship and especially marriage is that you make compromises along the way. Maybe your former spouse snores like a freight train and in order to get any kind of sleep at night you’ve worn ear plugs to bed for the last 20 years! Or maybe your former spouse had food allergies and was allergic to garlic. So you haven’t eaten garlic bread or ordered pizza for the last 5 years. (Yes. I do know someone who was in a relationship with someone allergic to garlic. No, it wasn’t me.)

I’m guessing there are certain compromises you’ve made during your marriage -things that you simply won’t have to do anymore. Am I right? Well, these are exactly the things that you can now say “hello” to now.

You Functional Divorce Assignment:

Make a list of compromises you made during your marriage. Put it all down. Did you give up a favorite hobby? Did you change what you ate? Did you change how you spoke?

Decide what you want to invite back into your life. Take a good look at your list. What on the list do you want to start doing again? What on your list do you want to start having again?

Write a “hello” letter. Using that list of things you want to invite back into your life, write a letter to yourself about all the things you’re going to invite back into your life. This is your “hello” or new beginnings letter.

Pick one. Which thing that you’re saying “hello” to are you ready to do or have right now? Make sure it’s something that you’ll enjoy now and feel good about in the long term. Then, just go after it!

I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce coach and advisor helping people just like you who are dealing with the stress and pain of divorce. You can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice. And if you’re interested in taking the first step toward working with me, you can schedule an introductory private coaching session.