Archive for September 2021
5 Finding-Happiness Quotes That Remind You Happiness Is Always Within Reach
Are you happy? Is your answer an easy, genuine ‘yes,’ or does the question give you pause? It’s a loaded question, simple as it is. And, if you’re going through a rough patch in your life, you may be questioning your happiness. But a healthy dose of finding-happiness quotes can help reconnect you to that jewel of existence. Sometimes we all just need a little reminding….
Being happy is so rooted in our expectations for life that we sometimes have unrealistic expectations of it. Surely it requires a long search, a pile of gold, or mind-bending decoding, right?
Would it surprise you to know that, no matter what is happening in your life, happiness is always within reach? That, unlike so many other things in life, it is always within your control?
Yes, even in the middle of loss, pain, and grief, happiness is still possible. Sounds contrary, doesn’t it? Especially if your world is imploding and positivity is tough to come by.
But happiness isn’t about being giddy, unrealistic, or unfazed by suffering. It’s about holding onto a constancy of contentment, hope, and inner peace.
Here are 5 finding-happiness quotes to remind you that happiness is always within reach.
The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things. — Henry Ward Beecher
Technology, for all the ways it has advanced our world and lives, has also been an accomplice to our unhappiness. Social media would have you believe you’re the only one who doesn’t have a six-figure income, a happy love life, and unlimited vacation time.
Even if you’re not trying to compare, you can’t help but juxtapose your own life against the extravagant lives of “everyone else.”
But not only is that a slippery slope into disillusionment and lack of gratitude, it can make you forget the happiness you actually have.
Reality, even for those who seem to “have it all,” exists in infinite shades of gray. It’s filled with mundane responsibilities – cleaning, cooking, commuting to work, changing diapers, paying bills.
If you wait for the big events, bigger houses, better jobs before being happy, you will end up waiting forever.
Happiness is found in the present — in the ordinary, routine, hand-me-down, grateful-for-what-you-have present.
It’s the undaunted, even quixotic, belief that the universe and all its benefactors hold you in their favor.
It’s the conviction that your child’s framed drawing from kindergarten is more valuable than any gallery masterpiece.
It’s feeling peaceful as you wash dishes and fold laundry with your favorite playlist keeping you company.
It’s a red cardinal showing up on your birdbath, a brief parting of clouds to reveal the sun, a hug from your child.
The point is, happiness is a choice of peaceful constancy, regardless of how common and non-Facebook-worthy the moment may seem.Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. — Denis Waitley
I’ll be happy when I find a boyfriend..I’ll be happy when I make more money…I’ll be happy when I have (whatever)…I’ll be happy when I lose weight, get Botox, change my wardrobe…I’ll be happy when…after…if….
And suddenly you wake up, look at the calendar, and realize your life is whizzing by, and you’re still waiting to be happy.
Perhaps you got the newest iPhone last year. But no sooner did you master the new camera than the next generation came out.
And your dream house that you spent years designing and building? Suddenly, according to HGTV, it’s all outdated.
If you wait to reach all your “dream destinations” before allowing yourself to be happy, you’ll miss the whole meaning and purpose of happiness.
Happiness is a gift waiting in every moment. It’s like unconditional love that is blinded to your imperfections. It’s an agreement your spirit makes to remain grounded in love, grace, and gratitude, no matter the circumstances.Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. — Buddha
It’s an ageless spiritual truth that the surest way to happiness is to help someone else be happy.
Forgetting your gratitude? Give to someone who has nothing or has lost everything. Struggling to be successful? Help someone else find success.
The message? Start lighting other candles and watch your world get brighter. You will see your own joy reflected back to you in the light you have shared…and it will have cost you nothing.Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts. — Anonymous
It’s easy to slack into the belief that happiness is something that befalls you, that it is conditioned upon forces outside you.
Likewise, it’s easy to believe that unhappiness befalls you, as well, and for the same reasons. You are either the lucky winner or the victim.
We all know people who look for the negative with knee-jerk speed. Say something completely innocuous, and they will jump in with judgment, criticism, or a solicitation to argue. Ick. It’s enough to make you want to shower off all the negativity…or just avoid them altogether (not a bad idea).
And then there are those people who have an amazing knack for instantly seeing the good in everything and everyone. They’re not phony or gratuitous. They have simply disciplined themselves — mentally, spiritually — to look for the good in life.
They automatically see possibility, hope, lessons, opportunity, enlightenment.
They’re the ones who lower the temperature in tense situations, help others consider a different viewpoint, and mediate reconciliations.
They’re the ones you want to be around because your spirit wants a big dose of what they have.
They think differently about the same things the rest of the world experiences. And it’s not by accident. They know their thoughts determine their happiness, and they work constantly to elevate them.When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. — Helen Keller
When it comes to finding-meaning and finding-happiness quotes, few people have given us more to think about than Helen Keller.
We all experience loss and disappointment, sometimes painfully or devastatingly so. And it can easily feel as if happiness gets buried with the loss.
But, if you devote your thoughts, beyond a healthy grieving process when warranted, to the door that was closed, you’ll miss the door that is opening.
And there is always a new door opening.
What’s your takeaway from this handful of finding-happiness quotes?
Hopefully it’s that happiness is not an elusive or temporary feeling, but a choice and commitment to positivity as the steady undercurrent of your life.
Still need inspiration and tips for a happy life? Click here.
I’m Dr. Karen Finn and I’m a life coach. Schedule a 30-minute private consultation for support in putting together the pieces so you can create a happy and healthy life for yourself.
Looking for more information about how to live a happy and healthy life? You’ll find what you’re looking for in Building A Happy Life.
5 Hopeful Moving-On-With-Life-After-Divorce Quotes
Sometimes being a champion in your own life needs more inspiration than what you can muster up on your own. After a traumatic experience like divorce, when your life needs a hero more than ever, self-motivation can be tough to generate. But take heart. The sages of life’s messy, confusing, spirit-stunting events have come up with a wellspring of moving-on-with-life-after-divorce quotes to re-energize your journey.
Divorce, even when necessary for the hope of happiness, leaves a lot of discontent in its wake. If you are going through or have gone through a divorce, you know how unpredictable, weighty, and defeating the aftermath can be.
But chances are you also know that people do get through it. And many end up happier than they have ever been.
So let’s recharge your positivity with these 5 moving-on-with-life-after-divorce quotes:
“The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
I’m starting with this reflection by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross for a couple reasons.
First, Kübler-Ross encapsulates in one sentence the essence of the journey of divorce. There is the struggle. There is the loss – of dreams, of promises, of friendship, of marriage, of family.
I’m starting with this reflection by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross for a couple reasons.
First, Kübler-Ross encapsulates in one sentence the essence of the journey of divorce. There is the struggle. There is the loss – of dreams, of promises, of friendship, of marriage, of family.
And there is the resurrection, if you will. The turning skyward from the depths of pain and unknowing and ascending with focus, not only away from the darkness, but toward the light.
The other reason I am starting with this quotation is that Kübler-Ross is responsible for defining what we have all come to know as the five stages of grief.
Coaching someone through the functional and emotional stages of divorce would be incomplete without the incorporation of grief. It’s a journey that weaves its way through the entire experience of divorce.
And divorce grief is unlike bereavement or any other kind of grief.
The model of grief defined by Kübler-Ross runs parallel to the journey of divorce. There is the initial denial, then anger, bargaining, depression, and, eventually, acceptance.
The stages don’t necessarily flow linearly, but they do flow toward eventual acceptance.
What a beautiful expression of accepting your own struggles and losses and finding a way to transform them into something wonderful.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.” – Roy T. Bennett
Divorce is the epitome of struggling through an undoing in an effort to rebuild your life…with wings. It is, in many ways, the consummate test of your determination against the weight of negativity, destruction, and loss.
If you’ve ever picked up an injured bird, you’ve probably marveled at how lightweight it was. Those wings that dance on air are finessed in their unique gift.
But they can’t be weighed down and still fly.
And so it is with your spirit and your life.
Whether or not you wanted your divorce, your determination to soar on clouds of happiness and success depends on unburdened wings.
Think of it as jettisoning heavy cargo from a plane in an emergency. Whatever doesn’t serve your highest good has to go.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi
There really is no moving on with life after any kind of loss without forgiveness.
Interestingly, the heaviest weight that will keep you from flying is lack of forgiveness.
All the moving-on-with-life-after-divorce quotes in the world will sit in a holding pattern until you decide to forgive. Your ex. Yourself. Anyone who may have hurt or disappointed you.
Forgiveness in the context of divorce can be extremely difficult. No matter who has done what, both parties have contributed to what is now seen as a loss, failure, and devastation.
The negative energy of divorce can weaken the spirit. But forgiveness infuses positivity, freedom, and hope. It makes room for what can be instead of tripping over the archives of what was.
It takes incredible strength to stand up to harms of the past – especially those self-inflicted – and say, “You’re not the boss of me!”
“Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” – Toni Morrison
So the process is over. The ugly battle over assets and custody, the blame, the packing, the standing on a precipice staring into a wall of fog. It’s all over. Legally, anyway.
Anyone who is awake through something so difficult knows the real work is just beginning. You may not have a spouse to answer to now, but you do have someone who has been waiting patiently for you. And, yes, it’s you.
Even if you have children to care for, you also have yourself to care for in a new, liberated way. What is your vision for this new self? How will you own your new self and the destiny you are now in charge of creating?
At the moment you decide to take ownership of yourself – divorced, forgiving, forgiven – the moving on will begin.
“When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.” – Brené Brown
What a perfect place to close.
You are standing in a position of choice. What you deny or give away in the form of blame will remain out of your power and prerogative to change. And, ironically, it will continue to cling to you, like a barnacle that serves no purpose.
Your story, in a sense, will always own you.
But own your story with acceptance and responsibility?
Now it belongs to you. It’s yours to use as you will.
You can learn from it. Grow from it. Inspire and teach others because of it. And you can change the narrative for the sequel…and write the ending you have always dreamed of.
Coming full circle with these moving-on-with-life-after-divorce quotes, there is a sixth stage of grief that melds perfectly with the challenge of moving forward.
Meaning isn’t always obvious. Most of the time it has to be created from a merging of experience and positive intention.
The magic of finding (or creating) meaning from your loss is that it extends an invitation. And it gives you something worthwhile to live into.
I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a divorce and life coach. If you’re tired of struggling with life after divorce and would like some support, you can join my newsletter list for free weekly advice or you can schedule a 30-minute private consultation with me and together we can begin putting together a plan for the next best steps you can take to start feeling better.
Looking for more information about how to start over after divorce? You’ll find what you’re looking for in Life After Divorce.
How To Improve A Miserable Marriage
When the sweetness of love turns sour and the freedom your heart once felt now feels like a cage, you have choices. Important choices. Life-defining choices. Do you throw in the towel and pray you get a second chance with someone new? Or do you learn how to improve a miserable marriage and pray you get a second chance with your spouse?
Being unhappy in your marriage is a subjective experience. There is no clear-cut definition for “just getting by” vs. “unhappy” vs. “miserable.”
But there are signs of an unhappy marriage — indications that can easily become a slowly swelling undercurrent of discontent.
Hindsight, of course, can be a bit arrogant in its omniscience. “I wish I had paid attention when (this) happened.” “I wish I had said something earlier about (that).”
Prevention is always preferred. But sometimes it takes a plunge into misery to realize what you’re missing and what you can have if you put in the sweat equity.
Whether your marriage is unhappy, unhealthy, or toxic (or some combination of the three), the time to take action is now.
Advice for how to improve a miserable marriage is, in many ways, the same advice for how to create and maintain a happy marriage.
But there is one big difference — one action that has to happen if you’re going to end the misery.
Here are some tips for improving a miserable marriage, beginning with one non-negotiable:
Stop.
Yes, stop. This is non-negotiable.It just makes sense that you can’t start heading in the right direction if you don’t stop going in the wrong direction.
I know — it’s so common sense that it sounds ridiculous to say.
But “common sense” doesn’t necessarily mean “easy.”
Marriage always has its predictable stages of growth and change. And it also has its normal share of ebbs and flows.
But getting to the point of being miserable happens incrementally, one offence, one omission at a time.
And this is what has to stop. The criticism, resentment, coldness, avoidance, sarcasm, blame — it all just needs to stop.
If you have to bite your tongue, bite your tongue. If you are tempted to blurt out an insult, take a deep breath and count to ten.
If you feel you are being baited into an argument, stop yourself, regardless of what your spouse does.
You can’t get out of debt if you keep spending money you don’t have.
You can’t start a healthy eating program if you reach for a candy bar every time a craving hits.
And you can’t improve a miserable marriage if you keep doing the things that make you miserable.Start.
So what do you do with all that time and energy that used to be spent on behaviors you’ve now stopped?
Turning a big ship around is a gradual process of pointing it in the desired direction and making incremental changes. It’s the same with behavior.
Have you or your spouse been avoiding or withholding affection?
If all you can think about is how unhappy you are, you may not realize how or when the affection stopped. And sex is probably the last thing on your mind.
Start small. A hand on her lower back as you pass through the room. A kiss on his cheek while he works at the computer. A touch on the shoulder, a foot rub, a hug before leaving for the day.
Whether “what’s missing” is physical affection or kindness in speech or contributions to chores at home, just start adding to the plus columnGet help early.
If you knew how to do it all right, you wouldn’t be struggling to figure out how to improve a miserable marriage, right?
This isn’t the time to lead with your pride. It’s the time to be wise and seek guidance that can help you both get to the root of your unhappiness.
Counseling, coaching, marriage retreats — you have countless choices at your disposal. What matters is that you get help as soon as possible. Don’t be one of the average couples who wait six years before getting help.Take divorce off the table.
You can’t work on growing closer if you’re keeping an exit strategy in your back pocket.
Unless the thought of divorce is in response to things like abuse, addiction, criminal behavior, or serial infidelity, stop entertaining it.
Life can always look greener on the other side of the fence, especially if you haven’t seen green in a long time.
But you’re either going to learn how to improve a miserable marriage…or you’re going to use your misery as an excuse to leave.
Until you have done everything in your power to save and revitalize your marriage, divorce shouldn’t be on the table.Take a long look in the mirror.
Nothing is more difficult when you’re angry, disappointed, and unhappy than taking personal responsibility for your contribution to the negativity.
It’s so much easier to wait for the other person to take a positive step and/or apologize.
But this single initiative — to examine your own role in the misery of your marriage — is a game-changer.
If all you start with is one behavior that you know doesn’t reflect well on your character or love, change will happen.
Are you critical? defensive? controlling? fiscally irresponsible? emotionally dismissive?
Do you blame your spouse for everything? call your spouse names? yell? intimidate? ignore your spouse when they talk?
Do you try to escape the misery of your relationship by drinking, gambling, fantasizing, working late?
Marriage takes two — for the good and the bad. And you know what comes next: The only person you can control and change is yourself.Add love back into the equation.
You may feel like hostile roommates at the moment. But what that means is that both of you are hurting and not getting your needs met.
Being in a miserable marriage implies that very little love is being expressed between you. And how sad is that, especially when you remember the love that started your marriage?
What makes your spouse feel loved? valued? respected? appreciated? relaxed? special?
Again, start small. A loving touch, a kind validation or expression of praise, a small but meaningful gift, an offer to do a chore so your spouse can rest.
You can’t make a wrong choice if your intention is rooted in love.Do something together on behalf of your marriage.
Even if you are going to counseling together, you still need time together just being a couple.
If you’re just not “feelin’ it” yet, schedule one night a week to put all negativity aside and just do something enjoyable. A movie, concert, sporting event.
Volunteering together can be a positive, constructive way to step outside yourselves on behalf of others in need. And you just might come to realize that you make a great team that can accomplish great things together.
Love is such a precious commodity. And marriage is an extraordinary, exclusive way in which to express it.
But love doesn’t guarantee healthy communication. And how you communicate (or don’t) on all levels can mask the love that made you choose one another in the first place.
Learning how to improve a miserable marriage — and then conscientiously doing the work — can reveal the love that was always there.
I’m Dr. Karen Finn, a life and divorce coach. I help people, just like you, who are struggling with an unhappy or even miserable marriage. For immediate help, you can download your FREE copy of “Contemplating Divorce? Here’s What You Need To Know.” And if you’re interested in working with me personally, you can book an introductory 30-minute private coaching session with me.